This something that I have needed to do for nearly two years. Since I am officially starting my sixth decade on this planet, there is no time like the present.

Bigotry is a rather large umbrella, covering up more specific things like racism and xenophobia.

Let’s set the stage. I’m at work, nearing the end of the day. What I am doing or where is not relevant to this at all. One of my former coworkers was blathering on about something that I was largely ignoring. And there it was: an anti-semitic slur that had been shamed out of use, or so I thought.

To begin with, I was troubled that I knew what it was. In the space of two or three seconds, my memory dredged up my first recollection of hearing it. That first understanding of how it could be wielded as a weapon.

That happened in 1968. In California. In the garage that was attached directly to our home. At the elbow of my own father, handing him tools and trying to learn new things.

In that shining moment, everything snapped into perfect focus. That clarity that may not exist outside a laboratory. I was raised by bigots to be a bigot. There is no way to sugar coat that. I am also sure that pretty much everyone else in my family disagrees. Even after I explain all of this to them, they will probably still disagree.

On the drive home, I was able to try and understand the implications of what I had just discovered. And then the memories sort of flowed. Racial and ethnic slurs galore, in three different languages. The scorn and derision heaped upon anyone who was not white. Or anyone who did not present as straight and christian. No one in my family ever questioned these things. Along with those painful memories, there was another aspect that I didn’t want to believe at first. This was not just one parent. My mother was more subtle with it, though. Until the very end, she referred to black people as ‘colored’. Despite being unable to attend an actual church, she landed squarely in the fundamentalist christian camp. Complete with anti-vaccine faux science.  

Neither of them were the kind of folks to put giant flags on the lawn and accost people at random in a checkout line. Their bigotry was far more subtle than that. But it was there and very evident. Around folks that were most likely to be like them, they could be the most openly judgmental people you might ever meet. As a young person, I thought everyone had the same mindset and world views, so I saw no cause for alarm.

With the wisdom of age comes the knowledge that racism is not just people in robes burning things. Jim Crow laws, the color bar, the civil rights act, all of these things happened in my lifetime. And not once did I hear anyone at home question these things. Not once did I hear anyone say “that doesn’t sound like ‘all men are created equal’ to me”. Treating people differently because of their origin, color, religion, or sexual preference was instilled into me as a youngster. I will save the blue lives/all lives topic for another time. Those things are blurted out by people that only read the headlines, never the actual article.

Where has this missive taken me? Chalk it up as a confession. I have taken great strides in the second half of my journey on earth to understand my roots, and to distance myself from them. I strive to be the least judgmental person you may encounter each day. All of the folks I was taught to look askance at? I am on a journey to understand and ally myself with them. If you only knew me/of me before the age of 40, you would wonder if 2021 me was the same person.

I understand how hurtful my words and deeds were. I understand where I learned them. I have distanced myself from that life.

Too long; did not read: I was raised by bigots, have taken great strides to reject that, my family does not communicate with me much.